My Name Was Emily (8)

 Ginnie

It'd been one year. I loved what I saw. Emily Lonergan's spirit was gone. I never glimpsed the tiniest trace of her now. I could only hope that she'd truly left, that she wasn't going to return someday. I knew in my heart that she wouldn't, though. I'd known that girl for a number of years. She wasn't a vindictive and hateful type. Em was a tender and caring child. She'd known deep down this was Lizzie's home, and everyone was longing to have Liz back — everyone including Emily herself. She'd ultimately chosen to honor that, to honor the girl whom we all had loved.

She had a new face, a new legal name, and a fresh Social Security number, one I'd worked hard to obtain all year. This wasn't a matter of mere pretense. She actually was Elizabeth Porter. I couldn't change that if I wanted to — and put simply, I'd never want to.

And that girl never should have wanted to either. She had no reason to prefer the past. She had a bright present that was brimming with love.

Neither her face or her name could be changed. I'd spread some money at the local court, under the table, privately. Then they had done me this special favor. Her name would forever be Elizabeth Porter. Nothing but marriage could alter it. That would be on record wherever she was. 

I was taking all the necessary steps, loving my Lizzie, protecting her, seeing that things were the way they should be. 

I looked at my daughter, sprawled on the couch, smiling so brightly as she watched TV. This wasn't another girl playing a role. I simply never saw any sign of that. This was Lizzie, returned to us. I say returned because I know she left. I can never ever forget about that. But she was back. She was home. That was what destiny dictated. Fate could have easily denied me this. I could have been stopped. It could have gone wrong. But fate decided it was meant to be. 

Elizabeth Porter was loved so much. Her spirit was meant to live on in the world, while a sad girl's had been laid to rest. It wasn't my efforts that brought this about. I had only put the first steps in place. Fate had evaluated both of the kids, and then decided who was worthiest — a glum, somber, dependant girl, or a glowing one who'd spread so much warmth. Ultimately, fate had chosen Lizzie.

The outcome wasn't surprising at all. She'd constantly outshined Emily. I had seen the jealousy in Emily's eyes. Lizzie was absolutely beautiful. She was the one who drew the compliments, a regular occurrence when we all went out, making small talk with the people we met. Aside from that, Lizzie was smarter, and loved by all, due to her confidence, charm, and mind. 

Em simply couldn't compare to her. Lizzie had an edge in every area. I know that several parents think this of their kids, but I can truly say it with certainty: Elizabeth Porter is the world's purest girl. 

I scooped Lizzie's legs as I sat on the couch, placing tender kisses atop her bare feet. "Hey, honey," I murmured.

"Hi, Mom." Lizzie grinned.

I finally let the memories of Emily fade. I wasn't going to think of that kid I'd known. We'd said our goodbyes one year ago. Physically, spiritually, and, of course, legally, there wasn't any Em Lonergan anymore. Part of me was sorry for what fate decreed. I'd loved that child — but I love Lizzie most. 

It'd also been a while since I'd spoken to Mary. I wasn't going to contact that woman again. Last I'd heard, she and her family were conducting a search — searching for a face that they'd never find — but they had begun to relent a bit. The parents had several other children to raise.

I placed another kiss down on Lizzie's skin. Move on, Mary. Move on in life. Just indulge in what matters most — your precious habit, your precious drinks. Given your notorious negligence, and given that she's safe and happy here, I'll never allow you to have her again. Chloe is especially happy too. I won't let you take that away from her. I won't let you take that away from us. You tried playing mother to Emily, and proved you were never cut out for that. Even if you did want to try again, she wouldn't be the same if you got her back. Now there's only Elizabeth. Emily Lonergan was definitely yours, but Lizzie Porter is certainly mine.

I rose from the couch and kissed Lizzie's cheek. "Love you," I uttered.

She smiled at me. "I love you too," she said brightly.

Chloe was making her way downstairs. I hugged my youngest, kissing her head. "I love you, baby."

She squeezed me back. "I love you, Mom." She'd said it in her quiet, charming way.

Later that night, I snuggled with John as we lay in the dark, grinning as I nestled my back to his chest. I was so thankful for my gifts in life. I had my Lizzie. I had my Chloe. I had my John. My heart was healed. 

I closed my eyes as he held me close, sniffling in joy amid the cloud of silence. I loved my family. I always would.

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